October 30, 2019

The Story Behind the Music: Full Moon’s Rising

angelleconant Music, The Story Behind the Music authenticity, full moon, music, spirit doll, the story behind the music, vulnerability, women's circle 0 Comments

Oh this song. This is it. This is the song that started this whole shebang for me. It is the first song I ever released. And it was an absolutely glorious internal fight to do so. This song, simply by being the ‘first’ song, was my learning curve. I had another song that I’d been working on FOR MONTHS. It’s tentatively titled “Release.” So naturally I thought it was fitting that that song was going to be the first song I released. Ha! Me and that song aren’t even on talking terms right now.

And that’s when this beauty of a song came to me. I was messing around on my guitar on, you guessed it, one full moon night when the chorus and beginning of the first verse came to me. I recorded it on my phone so as not to forget (as I do with all my strange and sporadic musical ideas) and that’s where it sat for a good while.

Finally, I finished the song in March and by July I had released my first single, Full Moon’s Rising. That might not seem like a short time, but for me it was. For someone who had been hoarding her music for years, it was a remarkable turnaround.

As far as the lyrics go, I think they are pretty self-explanatory. This song is an ode to the lovely and beautiful full moon. The instrumentation is simple – just me and my guitar. This is what I could handle on my first song and sometimes I think simple is what is needed. It is by no means perfect, but it’s mine and I put it out into the world. It’s not something that I created and let sit on my computer, never letting another person hear it. It’s out there and imperfect and wonderful and I love it.

I had a lot of fun creating this cover art with my watercolors.

February 13, 2018

What if we could all have tantrums?

angelleconant Family, How Different The World Might Be, Living, Parenting, Words acceptance, children, compassion, family, feelings, living, motherhood, parenting, RIE, tantrum, women's circle 2 Comments

My daughter threw a 30 minute tantrum today.

What if we could all throw tantrums?

I say tantrum, but I look at it through more of an RIE parenting lense so really she had a 30 minute emotional release. And it all started because she wanted to play with the printer’s tray and I wouldn’t let her. I said, “I won’t let you play with the printer” and physically prevented her from reaching it. She pushed against my legs, crying for the next 30 minutes. And I just let her. I didn’t put her in time out; I didn’t try to bribe her or distract her with something else; I didn’t try to rationalize with her – I just quietly and calmly held the space for her to have her feelings. The most I did was prevent her from hurting me or herself and acknowledge her feelings a few times at the beginning. And I didn’t take it personally – I knew that all this crying and pushing wasn’t about me or about the printer. It was about something else entirely. Perhaps it was about all the changes that have taken place in our lives the past two months or the busy-ness of it all. Or perhaps it was something else entirely. To be honest? It doesn’t matter what it was about. What mattered was that I was able to be her safe harbor as her emotions crashed over her.

When we were about 20 minutes in, I started to wonder what the world might be like if everyone were able to have such emotional releases. If there was a judgment-free, intervention-free place where adults, teens, or children could express their anger or frustration or confusion or sadness or whatever else they might be feeling and have others quietly and courageously bear witness.

I was lucky enough to be a part of such a space for 7 years in my women’s circle and I can attest that it is truly powerful to be allowed to express one’s feelings with total acceptance. These marvelous women would bravely sit in a silent circle and bear witness to my pain. They would not offer me a tissue when my nose began to run or give me advice on how to ‘solve’ the problem. They would simply sit there, listening, watching & waiting, as I moved through my emotions. At times, the sobbing would slow down and it would seem that I was done, but these women were wise and knew to wait. A few minutes would pass and a new wave of grief or pain would wash over me and it would all begin again. They trusted that I was strong enough and capable enough to feel my feelings and to know when I was done. It was a powerful experience that I am incredibly grateful to have had and to have given to others as well, including my daughter today.

And what happened, you might ask, at the end of that thirty minutes? My sweet daughter lay on the floor, stomach down, completely spent and sniffling slightly as her breathing began to return to a normal pace. She lay there quietly breathing for about 5 minutes before she looked up at me slightly and said, “Can I watch Sarah & Duck?” And that was it. It was over and we cuddled on the couch watching our favorite duck waddle about on the TV.