Our lives have shifted quite a bit since the pandemic began and some of them have been good shifts. In March, after many mornings of waking up grumpy, I started a morning exercise and stretch routine. All I committed to was 5 minutes of stretching or exercising each morning. Some mornings I would do random stretches for 5 minutes, other mornings I would follow along with a yoga or exercise YouTube video and some mornings I would dance and exercise for an hour. This has been the first time in my life that I’ve ever exercised with this much regularity. And I’ve seen the results – I feel stronger, I’m less grumpy when I start the day with exercise, and I’ve seen improvements in my menstrual cycle, back health, mood, and stress levels. We had to go on a short weekend trip in August and I even did my morning exercise and stretches there! At that point, it had been months of this routine so it was nice to have it to ground me and help reduce stress. It was almost like my morning cup of coffee.
One of my fitness goals in particular is to learn the splits, something I’ve never been able to do. And although I’m not there yet, I can definitely see that I’ve made progress. I even watched this YouTube video by Physics Girl about the science behind stretching and improving flexibility. My daily routine was just the ticket because improving flexibility requires around 1 minute of stretching that particular muscle, 6 out of 7 days of the week.
I also set a goal of learning to hold a handstand but I hurt my wrists early on in that endeavor (pretty common in learning handstands) so I had to table it as it healed. Did you known that wrist injuries take a long time to heal? Me neither. But they do. Did you also know that you use your wrists in about everything you do? Another thing I discovered.
Some other routines I’ve started since this pandemic: setting out a nightly surprise for my daughter, doing a big clean on Sundays, and morning nature walks or outside time with my daughter.
And every single one of these routines, including exercise, was abandoned this past week.
It wasn’t really a conscious choice – I just didn’t want to do any of it. We’ve had heat advisories and high humidity for most of the last week so going outside at all has been…unpleasant to say the least. The nightly surprise for my daughter was fun for a week but it has since fizzled. It was no longer a surprise, but had become an expectation for my daughter and was stressing me out. One morning she raced downstairs before my husband and I were even out of bed to see her surprise. Next thing I heard was the Google Broadcast of her saying she was unimpressed by the friendship bracelet materials I had left out for her. At least we got a nice morning laugh out of it.
As for the big Sunday clean and daily exercising, I just couldn’t. No reason. I just needed a break from the routine. In the past, I would have forced myself to do these things that I set for myself despite my exhaustion which would then lead to hating the activity more and more until I abandoned it completely, never to touch it again. Thankfully, I’ve grown up a bit since then and no longer hold myself to such punishing standards.
And then this morning and yesterday, after a week of not exercising, my body felt sluggish and achy and just tired. So I decided to pull out the old trusty yoga mat and stretch for just five minutes. And then I remembered why I had set that morning exercise routine in the first place – because it feels good! Because my body gets a chance to stretch and wake up and feel better and stronger.
In her book, I Quit Sugar for Life (another thing I’ve been trying to slowly incorporate because it feels good to eat well), Sarah Wilson talks about ‘lapses’ – moments when someone who is following a no sugar diet indulges a little too much in sugar. This is what she has to say:
“Well, first, I don’t freak. Quitting sugar for life simply means making the best available wellness choices and doing your best (by yourself). It’s a gentle, curious experiment, not a mean diet. Also, this: so-called lapses are good! They are perfect for reminding us why we choose not to eat sugar.”
And that is exactly what happened to me – by taking a break from ‘making’ myself exercise, I was reminded why I’d started the habit in the first place: because it feels good! And by taking a break from a big Sunday clean, I was reminded I was not alone in keeping a clean house (my husband stepped up and did some of the things I normally do) and I was also reminded of why I do a Sunday clean – because I like a clean house! Of course, not being able to go outside for an extended period of time has definitely reminded me how much I enjoy being outside and how much I’m missing it right now.
My backyard mulberry tree.
Of course, not all things I take a break from end up back on my daily routine. The surprises I left out for my daughter? I feel relief at not having to do that on a daily basis anymore and our days flow much better without it. And now, I have the opportunity to leave out a surprise every now and again when I am excited to do so and I think she’ll enjoy the surprise.
Plus, I think breaks are just good for having time to curl up on the couch and read a good book which is exactly what I did this past Sunday. 🙂
One of my teenage relatives was recently having a rough time of things.
This is what I would say to her (and my high school self).
Dear Teen,
I’m going to tell you something you don’t want to hear and already know: life isn’t fair. And sometimes, I think, a teen’s life can have extra bits of unfair-ness. First, there is school. Don’t even get me started on school. You can read about why school suckshere, here, and here. Then there is the fact that you’re almost sort-of an adult but not really. You are given tastes of freedom and independence but none of the trust or respect to go with it. “Be an adult. Stop acting childish” but also “Listen to me. Do what I say. You live under my roof, you have no rights.” This is in addition to the pressure and expectations of everyone around you: friends, teachers, parents, relatives, your church, your culture, the media, etc. And as the cherry on top are all of the ‘normal’ things in life that suck: trauma, abuse*, hardship, death, etc. What I’m trying to say here is that, generally, a teen’s life can really suck. And when your life has a tendency to suck, you tend to have a few bad days (or weeks or months or…).
This is for those times. The bad days. First, I’m going to give you some advice my mom gave me (yes, parents do actually know something from time to time): you can’t change anyone but yourself. Another gem from the old lady: what other people think about you is none of your business. And lastly: don’t compare your insides to someone else’s outsides (this includes the crap people post on Facebook). These three statements have profoundly changed the way I look at myself and the world.
MEDITATION : Am I spending enough time alone? Do I make time to deal with my big emotions? Do I make time to get in touch with myself and figure out who I am and what I want?
SELF-EXPRESSION : Am I making time to express myself in a way that feels true to my soul? Even if I’m not going to share it with another living person, it still needs to be expressed.
What I’ve just listed is essentially radical self care. And contrary to popular belief, caring for yourself is not selfish. It’s like they say on an airplane: you have to put your oxygen mask on first before you can help anyone else put on theirs. And let me tell you – self care isn’t easy. Change takes time and you will fall off the wagon. Be kind and gentle with yourself and just get back on. And don’t be afraid to ask for help or get creative.
And if all else fails, get some perspective: read a book, make a list of what you’re grateful for, help someone else, give back, focus on what you do have. The world is so much bigger and more beautiful than high school and you are stronger, wiser, braver, and more resilient and powerful than you know. Hang in there – I promise you it will get better.
Oh, and one final thing:
YOU ARE VALUED.
YOU ARE NEEDED.
YOU ARE ENOUGH.
YOU ARE LOVED.
All my love,
Angelle
*If you are currently in an abusive situation, I urge you to seek help. Please call one of the hotlines on this page. You will get through this. You will survive.
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