Our lives have shifted quite a bit since the pandemic began and some of them have been good shifts. In March, after many mornings of waking up grumpy, I started a morning exercise and stretch routine. All I committed to was 5 minutes of stretching or exercising each morning. Some mornings I would do random stretches for 5 minutes, other mornings I would follow along with a yoga or exercise YouTube video and some mornings I would dance and exercise for an hour. This has been the first time in my life that I’ve ever exercised with this much regularity. And I’ve seen the results – I feel stronger, I’m less grumpy when I start the day with exercise, and I’ve seen improvements in my menstrual cycle, back health, mood, and stress levels. We had to go on a short weekend trip in August and I even did my morning exercise and stretches there! At that point, it had been months of this routine so it was nice to have it to ground me and help reduce stress. It was almost like my morning cup of coffee.
One of my fitness goals in particular is to learn the splits, something I’ve never been able to do. And although I’m not there yet, I can definitely see that I’ve made progress. I even watched this YouTube video by Physics Girl about the science behind stretching and improving flexibility. My daily routine was just the ticket because improving flexibility requires around 1 minute of stretching that particular muscle, 6 out of 7 days of the week.
I also set a goal of learning to hold a handstand but I hurt my wrists early on in that endeavor (pretty common in learning handstands) so I had to table it as it healed. Did you known that wrist injuries take a long time to heal? Me neither. But they do. Did you also know that you use your wrists in about everything you do? Another thing I discovered.
Some other routines I’ve started since this pandemic: setting out a nightly surprise for my daughter, doing a big clean on Sundays, and morning nature walks or outside time with my daughter.
And every single one of these routines, including exercise, was abandoned this past week.
It wasn’t really a conscious choice – I just didn’t want to do any of it. We’ve had heat advisories and high humidity for most of the last week so going outside at all has been…unpleasant to say the least. The nightly surprise for my daughter was fun for a week but it has since fizzled. It was no longer a surprise, but had become an expectation for my daughter and was stressing me out. One morning she raced downstairs before my husband and I were even out of bed to see her surprise. Next thing I heard was the Google Broadcast of her saying she was unimpressed by the friendship bracelet materials I had left out for her. At least we got a nice morning laugh out of it.
As for the big Sunday clean and daily exercising, I just couldn’t. No reason. I just needed a break from the routine. In the past, I would have forced myself to do these things that I set for myself despite my exhaustion which would then lead to hating the activity more and more until I abandoned it completely, never to touch it again. Thankfully, I’ve grown up a bit since then and no longer hold myself to such punishing standards.
And then this morning and yesterday, after a week of not exercising, my body felt sluggish and achy and just tired. So I decided to pull out the old trusty yoga mat and stretch for just five minutes. And then I remembered why I had set that morning exercise routine in the first place – because it feels good! Because my body gets a chance to stretch and wake up and feel better and stronger.
In her book, I Quit Sugar for Life (another thing I’ve been trying to slowly incorporate because it feels good to eat well), Sarah Wilson talks about ‘lapses’ – moments when someone who is following a no sugar diet indulges a little too much in sugar. This is what she has to say:
“Well, first, I don’t freak. Quitting sugar for life simply means making the best available wellness choices and doing your best (by yourself). It’s a gentle, curious experiment, not a mean diet. Also, this: so-called lapses are good! They are perfect for reminding us why we choose not to eat sugar.”
And that is exactly what happened to me – by taking a break from ‘making’ myself exercise, I was reminded why I’d started the habit in the first place: because it feels good! And by taking a break from a big Sunday clean, I was reminded I was not alone in keeping a clean house (my husband stepped up and did some of the things I normally do) and I was also reminded of why I do a Sunday clean – because I like a clean house! Of course, not being able to go outside for an extended period of time has definitely reminded me how much I enjoy being outside and how much I’m missing it right now.
My backyard mulberry tree.
Of course, not all things I take a break from end up back on my daily routine. The surprises I left out for my daughter? I feel relief at not having to do that on a daily basis anymore and our days flow much better without it. And now, I have the opportunity to leave out a surprise every now and again when I am excited to do so and I think she’ll enjoy the surprise.
Plus, I think breaks are just good for having time to curl up on the couch and read a good book which is exactly what I did this past Sunday. 🙂
Here it is – the top dog of positive affirmations. At least, I think it is. After years of reading, soul-searching, witnessing, and listening, I’ve come to see that for so many of us our psychological baggage can be boiled down to one core belief: I am not enough. And when I break down most other affirmations to their essence, what they are really saying is “I am enough.”
Those who feel lovable, who love, and who experience belonging simply believe they are worthy of love and belonging. – Brene Brown, Daring Greatly
It really, truly is as simple as that and that’s why this affirmation is so powerful. If the belief of “I am not enough” is at the core of most of our baggage and it can be changed by simply believing that we are enough, imagine what saying and internalizing “I am enough” could do for someone’s life. I know what it can do for a life because it changed mine and continues to do so.
Humility – it’s something I learned an awful lot about back in my very Catholic days and every now and again, it pops up from my subconscious. Just as it did one day when I was sitting on the couch, feeling rather pleased with myself for finding a clever solution to a challenging problem. As I contentedly thought about the work I had completed, a voice in the back of mind whispered “Stay humble. Humility is a virtue.” And for one deflating moment, I believed it. But then I wondered, ‘What is humility, exactly?’ I’ve always had a vague understanding of what humility is but didn’t know the exact definition. I opened my phone and got this: “hu·mil·i·ty (noun): a modest or low view of one’s own importance; humbleness.” Well, now, what about humble? So I looked that up too: “hum·ble (adjective): having or showing a modest or low estimate of one’s own importance.”
Well, that is definitely not something I believe. I don’t believe it is a virtue for me to keep a low view of my own importance. In fact, I think it is detrimental for anyone to do! The world does not need people who think they are less than others – the world needs people who are not afraid to recognize and claim their own power. Perhaps that’s part of the reason our world is in the state that it is in – people have been told that keeping a “low view of one’s own importance” is a good thing. So we’ve doubted ourselves and quieted our voices all while the person who told us to ‘stay humble’ is tooting his own horn louder than anyone else and enjoying all the space he created at the top of the tower.
No, humility is not a virtue – it is a tool to keep people ‘in their place.’ And I will no longer allow that lie to take up precious space in my head or my heart. It is my belief that we are all just as important as everyone else – no more, no less. And when we claim that equality and the power that comes with it, great things can happen.
This 10th installment of The Love Series is dedicated to breastfeeding aka Booby Love. 😉 I drew this picture only a couple weeks after my daughter finished weaning so it’s a bit bittersweet. My goal was to make it to at least 2 years old and we made it to 2 years and 3 months. Did you know that there is a such as thing as post-weaning depression? I had no clue (despite many La Leche League meetings and breastfeeding blogs) and was a little blind-sided when I decided to reduce my daughter’s free-for-all nursing schedule to only one nursing session in the morning. I wasn’t even ‘weaning’ in my mind, just putting down some boundaries. But not long after we made the change, I felt awful. I was moody, crying all the time, anxious and depressed. I had no idea what was going on and was obsessing about why I was feeling this way and how I might ‘fix’ it when I stumbled upon post-weaning depression online.
After knowing why this was happening to me, I was able to relax and just accept that this was a temporary hormonal shift and to give myself a little break. A few months later, when I decided to wean fully, I was prepared. Thankfully, going from a 5-minute nursing session per day to no nursing wasn’t as large of a hormonal shift (I’m assuming) as I didn’t have such severe symptoms – only mild depression and anxiety that lasted a couple of weeks.
While I was pregnant, I’d heard many women recount their experiences of postpartum depression and anxiety, but I’d never heard a woman discuss post-weaning depression. So this is my little PSA. Post-weaning depression is a thing. Maybe if you know it’s a possibility and that it could be coming, you’ll have a better system in place to cope until it passes.
These 2 years of breastfeeding have been quite a journey. Those first couple of months of figuring breastfeeding out were complete hell (the postpartum depression and anxiety didn’t help either!) but I’m glad we persisted.* There have been some truly wonderful moments – one of which is captured in the drawing below. It was in those first two months of hell that my daughter was nursing and laid her hand upon my chest with her pointer finger, pinky and thumb extended forming ‘I Love You’ in sign language. The significance of this is that my husband and I had made that sign to each other since first saying “I Love You” to one another. We still make that sign to one another and now my 2 year old daughter does too.
*This statement is not meant to judge, criticize or shame any mother who could not or didn’t want to breastfeed. Every person fights their own battles and must do what is best for them and their baby and I 100% recognize that was is ‘best’ for me may not be ‘best’ for you. You do you. I’ve got your back.
This is the 9th installment of The Love Seriesand it’s a celebration of the love a mother feels for her child. I did this painting when I was pregnant with my daughter and in complete awe of how much love I felt for someone I hadn’t even seen with my own two eyes.
My love for her now is the same as it was then: powerful, fierce, and deep. Any person is capable of feeling this kind of love whether they are a biological parent, adoptive parent, step-parent, animal parent, grandparent, auntie, uncle, or friend. May we all know the joy of giving and receiving such a love.
Well, it’s finally here – I’ve published my coloring book! 😀
I started the rough draft when I was pregnant with my daughter and SOMEHOW I’ve managed to finish the rough draft, final draft and publish it while caring for a rambunctious one year old.
There are two ways to procure a copy:
1) On AmazonHERE.
One of my teenage relatives was recently having a rough time of things.
This is what I would say to her (and my high school self).
Dear Teen,
I’m going to tell you something you don’t want to hear and already know: life isn’t fair. And sometimes, I think, a teen’s life can have extra bits of unfair-ness. First, there is school. Don’t even get me started on school. You can read about why school suckshere, here, and here. Then there is the fact that you’re almost sort-of an adult but not really. You are given tastes of freedom and independence but none of the trust or respect to go with it. “Be an adult. Stop acting childish” but also “Listen to me. Do what I say. You live under my roof, you have no rights.” This is in addition to the pressure and expectations of everyone around you: friends, teachers, parents, relatives, your church, your culture, the media, etc. And as the cherry on top are all of the ‘normal’ things in life that suck: trauma, abuse*, hardship, death, etc. What I’m trying to say here is that, generally, a teen’s life can really suck. And when your life has a tendency to suck, you tend to have a few bad days (or weeks or months or…).
This is for those times. The bad days. First, I’m going to give you some advice my mom gave me (yes, parents do actually know something from time to time): you can’t change anyone but yourself. Another gem from the old lady: what other people think about you is none of your business. And lastly: don’t compare your insides to someone else’s outsides (this includes the crap people post on Facebook). These three statements have profoundly changed the way I look at myself and the world.
MEDITATION : Am I spending enough time alone? Do I make time to deal with my big emotions? Do I make time to get in touch with myself and figure out who I am and what I want?
SELF-EXPRESSION : Am I making time to express myself in a way that feels true to my soul? Even if I’m not going to share it with another living person, it still needs to be expressed.
What I’ve just listed is essentially radical self care. And contrary to popular belief, caring for yourself is not selfish. It’s like they say on an airplane: you have to put your oxygen mask on first before you can help anyone else put on theirs. And let me tell you – self care isn’t easy. Change takes time and you will fall off the wagon. Be kind and gentle with yourself and just get back on. And don’t be afraid to ask for help or get creative.
And if all else fails, get some perspective: read a book, make a list of what you’re grateful for, help someone else, give back, focus on what you do have. The world is so much bigger and more beautiful than high school and you are stronger, wiser, braver, and more resilient and powerful than you know. Hang in there – I promise you it will get better.
Oh, and one final thing:
YOU ARE VALUED.
YOU ARE NEEDED.
YOU ARE ENOUGH.
YOU ARE LOVED.
All my love,
Angelle
*If you are currently in an abusive situation, I urge you to seek help. Please call one of the hotlines on this page. You will get through this. You will survive.
A while back I wrote a post of positive affirmations for my first pregnancy. Recently, I’ve been struggling and overwhelmed with Motherhood in general and when the original paper I wrote my pregnancy affirmations on fell out of my journal, I knew what I needed to do. Some of the affirmations are the same but many are new. We mothers have the most amazing and, at times, overwhelming, job around. May these affirmations remind us to be kind and gentle with ourselves and, in so doing, teach our children to do the same.
I am enough. I am strong, wise, grounded, kind and patient.
I respect my need for alone time.
I ask for help easily and with an open heart.
I respect my limits and needs.
I love and accept myself just the way that I am.
I focus on the things that truly matter and let go of the rest.
I embrace an imperfect and messy but happy and love-filled life.
I am doing the best that I can and my best is good enough.
I am a great mother.
No matter what happens, everything is going to be alright.
This pregnancy, being our first, has been a whirlwind of changes and some fears have crept up in the process. Fear of judgment in my choices about parenting and birth. Fear that I’m not doing enough or not doing it right. Fear that things won’t go ‘perfectly’ or be what I think it should be. Fear that I won’t be strong enough to birth this baby. Fear that my body will betray me. Fear that I will betray myself.
After recognizing that all these fears were present (and bogus), I needed to put something better in their place and so I’ve created a few affirmations to do just that:
I am enough. I am strong, wise, and grounded.
I did my best and my best is enough.
I have done and am doing the best I can physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually for my baby and my best is good enough. This baby will be whole and healthy and exactly what this baby is meant to be.
I listen to my inner wise voice. I stand strong in my truth and power.
I love my body. I trust my body. I am grateful for my body. My body is enough.
My body is producing the perfect size baby for me to birth naturally and easily.
I listen to my inner wise voice and all is well.
I am strong and resilient. I persevere.
I have faith in my strength.
I love and accept myself just the way that I am.
I honor my inner wisdom and stand strong in my power and truth.
I am a good mother.
I love this baby. I honor this baby. I am so grateful for this baby.
I honor and embrace my excitement and joy for this baby.
Whether or not you are pregnant, may these affirmations help you to recognize how amazing and strong you are as well. <3
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