I was laying in bed having just finished Hannah Gadsby’s riveting special, Nanette, on Netflix – I was in awe as it had been full of vulnerability, courage and wisdom. There were many great moments in her special, but I think my favorite line was “There is nothing stronger than a broken woman who has rebuilt herself.” I was so moved, I had to post about it on Twitter. A preternatural sense had had me avoiding Twitter all week and that’s when I found out why.
The Brett Kavanaugh hearings and commentary overwhelmed my feed. As I scrolled Twitter, the anger inside of me had hot tears of anger rolling down my face. I remembered all of the me too stories that had recently been shared (and all the shaming and non-believing). I also remembered my own me too story – I’d done my personal healing around it years ago but I’d never dealt with my cultural anger and sorrow. As my daughter slept safe and sound in the room next door, my anger reignited. Not as a survivor of sexual abuse but as a mama who was fiercely determined to not allow anything like that to happen to her daughter. Or any more daughters or sons.
But what power did I have? What could I do? I quietly marched to my office, my anger and sorrow turning to resolve and I opened up my sketch book and began to write the first things that came out. To my surprise, they were not words of anger but words of comfort, understanding, empathy, and hope. They were words to sexual abuse survivors everywhere, including that little girl inside of me.
They came out in a flurry and then started to peter out. It had been so long since I’d been in that place of pain and intense suffering. So I did something I thought I’d never do – I got out my 10 year old journal from when I was healing and I read the fears, pains and sorrow of a young woman touching her deepest childhood pain for the first time. I cried. And the words began to flow again as I wrote to her the things she needed to hear.
This is my #metoo collection. They are reminders, affirmations and messages of connection and hope. If you need to print one out for yourself or a friend, please feel free to do so. They are my offering. They are my hope and my healing.
Here it is – the top dog of positive affirmations. At least, I think it is. After years of reading, soul-searching, witnessing, and listening, I’ve come to see that for so many of us our psychological baggage can be boiled down to one core belief: I am not enough. And when I break down most other affirmations to their essence, what they are really saying is “I am enough.”
Those who feel lovable, who love, and who experience belonging simply believe they are worthy of love and belonging. – Brene Brown, Daring Greatly
It really, truly is as simple as that and that’s why this affirmation is so powerful. If the belief of “I am not enough” is at the core of most of our baggage and it can be changed by simply believing that we are enough, imagine what saying and internalizing “I am enough” could do for someone’s life. I know what it can do for a life because it changed mine and continues to do so.
A while back I wrote about some gentle reminders I created and put on my refrigerator to help me survive toddlerhood (thankfully, they’ve been working). One of those was this one:
This was one of my first forays into watercolor and I had a ton of fun making this one. If you too would like to ‘Get Messy’ (see what I did there?), you can try out some cool watercolor techniques by watching this YouTube video. It’s the one I used when I was learning all about painting with watercolor. Now get messy!
And when I’m feeling particularly down and I feel like the darkness is closing in, I like to remind myself of this quote that I had on my L’Amour Art Car:
When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it–always.-Mahatma Gandhi
Humility – it’s something I learned an awful lot about back in my very Catholic days and every now and again, it pops up from my subconscious. Just as it did one day when I was sitting on the couch, feeling rather pleased with myself for finding a clever solution to a challenging problem. As I contentedly thought about the work I had completed, a voice in the back of mind whispered “Stay humble. Humility is a virtue.” And for one deflating moment, I believed it. But then I wondered, ‘What is humility, exactly?’ I’ve always had a vague understanding of what humility is but didn’t know the exact definition. I opened my phone and got this: “hu·mil·i·ty (noun): a modest or low view of one’s own importance; humbleness.” Well, now, what about humble? So I looked that up too: “hum·ble (adjective): having or showing a modest or low estimate of one’s own importance.”
Well, that is definitely not something I believe. I don’t believe it is a virtue for me to keep a low view of my own importance. In fact, I think it is detrimental for anyone to do! The world does not need people who think they are less than others – the world needs people who are not afraid to recognize and claim their own power. Perhaps that’s part of the reason our world is in the state that it is in – people have been told that keeping a “low view of one’s own importance” is a good thing. So we’ve doubted ourselves and quieted our voices all while the person who told us to ‘stay humble’ is tooting his own horn louder than anyone else and enjoying all the space he created at the top of the tower.
No, humility is not a virtue – it is a tool to keep people ‘in their place.’ And I will no longer allow that lie to take up precious space in my head or my heart. It is my belief that we are all just as important as everyone else – no more, no less. And when we claim that equality and the power that comes with it, great things can happen.
Welcome to one of my new blog series! It’s called Cat’s Meow and it’s just that – the cat’s meow. 😉 It’s essentially a place for me to gush about all the things I’m loving right now. So let’s jump right in!
I’ve just readAustin Kleon‘s book, Show Your Work, and it was quite excellent. I enjoyed his first book, Steal Like an Artist, but for whatever reason Show Your Work really spoke to me at this point in my life. It is chockablock full of good information and ideas (many of which I’ve stolen, at his suggestion, of course). And while I don’t agree with everything in his book, I definitely agree with the idea that people can’t see what you’re doing if you don’t put your stuff out there for them to see. So I am committing, right here and right now, to sharing my work and showing my work more often. If you haven’t checked out his work, I highly suggest you give it a try. And it’s not just for artists either – it’s for anyone trying to be creative (which is everyone). Plus, he’s a fellow Texan! 😉
And Mr. Kleon was actually the one who turned me onto the other thing I’m loving right now: 10 Ideas a Day. This is apparently a pretty old idea from James Altucher but I’m glad I finally heard about it! When I was a little kid, I was an idea machine. I had ideas flowing out of me all the time and as I grew into adulthood, that waterfall had turned into a small dribble. After only 3 days of writing down 10 new ideas each day, I’ve come up with a multitude of ideas and revived my creativity and excitement for creative expression. It really has turned me into an idea machine and has jump-started so many different projects and gotten me excited about old ones. I’ve been writing and documenting my one-off ideas for years now, but sitting down to focus on coming up with ideas was transformative for me. And I realized that so many times when I was jotting down a one-off idea, I’d end it with a question mark and the idea would sit on that paper and never see the light of day. NOW, with my ’10 Ideas a Day’ Journal, I end all of my ideas with a period. I’m much more likely to make it happen (if it’s a good idea) and take action.
So what about you – what are you reading, listening to or excited about right now?
I say tantrum, but I look at it through more of an RIE parenting lense so really she had a 30 minute emotional release. And it all started because she wanted to play with the printer’s tray and I wouldn’t let her. I said, “I won’t let you play with the printer” and physically prevented her from reaching it. She pushed against my legs, crying for the next 30 minutes. And I just let her. I didn’t put her in time out; I didn’t try to bribe her or distract her with something else; I didn’t try to rationalize with her – I just quietly and calmly held the space for her to have her feelings. The most I did was prevent her from hurting me or herself and acknowledge her feelings a few times at the beginning. And I didn’t take it personally – I knew that all this crying and pushing wasn’t about me or about the printer. It was about something else entirely. Perhaps it was about all the changes that have taken place in our lives the past two months or the busy-ness of it all. Or perhaps it was something else entirely. To be honest? It doesn’t matter what it was about. What mattered was that I was able to be her safe harbor as her emotions crashed over her.
When we were about 20 minutes in, I started to wonder what the world might be like if everyone were able to have such emotional releases. If there was a judgment-free, intervention-free place where adults, teens, or children could express their anger or frustration or confusion or sadness or whatever else they might be feeling and have others quietly and courageously bear witness.
I was lucky enough to be a part of such a space for 7 years in my women’s circle and I can attest that it is truly powerful to be allowed to express one’s feelings with total acceptance. These marvelous women would bravely sit in a silent circle and bear witness to my pain. They would not offer me a tissue when my nose began to run or give me advice on how to ‘solve’ the problem. They would simply sit there, listening, watching & waiting, as I moved through my emotions. At times, the sobbing would slow down and it would seem that I was done, but these women were wise and knew to wait. A few minutes would pass and a new wave of grief or pain would wash over me and it would all begin again. They trusted that I was strong enough and capable enough to feel my feelings and to know when I was done. It was a powerful experience that I am incredibly grateful to have had and to have given to others as well, including my daughter today.
And what happened, you might ask, at the end of that thirty minutes? My sweet daughter lay on the floor, stomach down, completely spent and sniffling slightly as her breathing began to return to a normal pace. She lay there quietly breathing for about 5 minutes before she looked up at me slightly and said, “Can I watch Sarah & Duck?” And that was it. It was over and we cuddled on the couch watching our favorite duck waddle about on the TV.
When we moved into our home, 2 of the large trees in our backyard had been significantly trimmed. One of the trees, which I’ve (hopefully correctly) identified as a Linden tree, has been laid bare by the cold of winter. Although I love all the trees in my backyard, this one is currently my favorite (Shhh, don’t tell the others!). It’s got offshoots bursting out of every major branch and it’s trunk. I often think to myself that it looks like a crazy hairstyle on someone’s head.
The leaf-less Linden tree.
As I was meditating in the backyard the other day, I was staring at this lovely naked tree and its many small branches shooting out and that’s when it hit me: this tree is me. That’s Me. That’s what I look like. This tree is a perfect representation of me and my creative expression. I’ve got all these different creative pursuits and expressions bursting out of me everyday. Some of them big, some of them small but all of them take time and effort – they haven’t shown up overnight. I’ve built them up slowly, taking small steps to create this beautiful thing. This sometimes chaotic, sometimes cohesive thing. And some of these pursuits I’ll try for a while and they won’t be a good fit for me for whatever reason and they will fall away. Just like a small branch that a tree tries to grow and then,because of shade or competition, it starts to fall off. That tree has to decide where it is going to put its energy and resources; which branches are the most important. That’s where I’ve currently been in my creative journey: whittling down, prioritizing, and taking small steps in the hopes that I’ll end up with something beautiful and worthwhile.
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