Comic #14: A Parent’s Spotify Wrapped
Parenting
COMIC #9: Mother’s Day
Comic #3: Kids COVID-19 Vaccine Approval
Me, this morning, realizing that the CDC is meeting today to (hopefully) approve Pfizer COVID-19 Vaccines for the 5-11 age group. The vote is scheduled for 4:15pm ET/3:15pm CT and I am literally counting down the hours.
Parenting in the time of COVID
So we’ve made the decision to move. Not now, but next Spring after we’ve done some home improvements and (hopefully) there is a vaccine for COVID. Unfortunately, I did a pretty ‘me’ thing to do and put all the pressure of parenting & unschooling during a pandemic, deep cleaning a house and multiple home improvements (including painting all the kitchen cabinets and all the rooms in the house) on my shoulders. Fortunately, I realized the absurdity of this a month and a half in instead of 6 months later.
I was able to talk all this over with my husband and release a lot of the self-imposed pressure but there was still some hangers-on especially when it comes to balancing my creative pursuits and my daughter’s needs. Then I came across this interview with author Austin Kleon (I’ve mentioned him before). What’s funny is that the interview was written in 2019, long before COVID hit, but I found it incredibly applicable to my current situation. For instance, this is what he would tell other parents who are juggling a career:
It’s not you. You’re probably doing the best you can. It’s just that everything is stacked against you. Everything from a lack of affordable child care, underfunded schools, crumbling infrastructure, bad health insurance, to a world that’s just really and truly insane. It’s near impossible and it’s not your fault. Just keep going. Do the best you can.
He was also very honest and wasn’t afraid to talk about the less than perfect moments of parenting such as yelling at his kids and looking forward to their bedtime. I struggle with yelling too but so often parents who share online only show the picture perfect moments or ‘tips & tricks’. It was nice to see that I am not the only parent struggling, even if his words are from a different time, in what feels like a galaxy, far, far away.
Mom Jokes
My daughter is an excellent game inventor. Today, she came to me after drawing these two pictures.
The game goes like this: one person tells a joke that they’ve made up on the spot. The other person then gives a thumbs up or a thumbs down. And then we switch.
This was my joke:
What did the juggler say to his juggling pins?
Catch you later!
My daughter gave a heavy and very audible sigh and then gave me a thumbs down. Does this mean I’ve unlocked a new achievement in parenting?
What if we could all have tantrums?
My daughter threw a 30 minute tantrum today.
What if we could all throw tantrums?
I say tantrum, but I look at it through more of an RIE parenting lense so really she had a 30 minute emotional release. And it all started because she wanted to play with the printer’s tray and I wouldn’t let her. I said, “I won’t let you play with the printer” and physically prevented her from reaching it. She pushed against my legs, crying for the next 30 minutes. And I just let her. I didn’t put her in time out; I didn’t try to bribe her or distract her with something else; I didn’t try to rationalize with her – I just quietly and calmly held the space for her to have her feelings. The most I did was prevent her from hurting me or herself and acknowledge her feelings a few times at the beginning. And I didn’t take it personally – I knew that all this crying and pushing wasn’t about me or about the printer. It was about something else entirely. Perhaps it was about all the changes that have taken place in our lives the past two months or the busy-ness of it all. Or perhaps it was something else entirely. To be honest? It doesn’t matter what it was about. What mattered was that I was able to be her safe harbor as her emotions crashed over her.
When we were about 20 minutes in, I started to wonder what the world might be like if everyone were able to have such emotional releases. If there was a judgment-free, intervention-free place where adults, teens, or children could express their anger or frustration or confusion or sadness or whatever else they might be feeling and have others quietly and courageously bear witness.
I was lucky enough to be a part of such a space for 7 years in my women’s circle and I can attest that it is truly powerful to be allowed to express one’s feelings with total acceptance. These marvelous women would bravely sit in a silent circle and bear witness to my pain. They would not offer me a tissue when my nose began to run or give me advice on how to ‘solve’ the problem. They would simply sit there, listening, watching & waiting, as I moved through my emotions. At times, the sobbing would slow down and it would seem that I was done, but these women were wise and knew to wait. A few minutes would pass and a new wave of grief or pain would wash over me and it would all begin again. They trusted that I was strong enough and capable enough to feel my feelings and to know when I was done. It was a powerful experience that I am incredibly grateful to have had and to have given to others as well, including my daughter today.
And what happened, you might ask, at the end of that thirty minutes? My sweet daughter lay on the floor, stomach down, completely spent and sniffling slightly as her breathing began to return to a normal pace. She lay there quietly breathing for about 5 minutes before she looked up at me slightly and said, “Can I watch Sarah & Duck?” And that was it. It was over and we cuddled on the couch watching our favorite duck waddle about on the TV.
Experimenting with Watercolor
In today’s art adventure: experimenting with watercolor! I didn’t get ‘grown-up’ watercolors until I was in my late 20s so this is still a very new medium for me. I set up my daughter with her Crayola watercolors and I set up my ‘grown-up’ watercolors and we set to work. This is the result:
Watercolor. © 2018. Angelle Conant. All Rights Reserved.
The lion was the kiddo’s idea: “Mommy, do a lion.” The jellyfish were my idea – they are my current obsession. I just find them so graceful, beautiful and peaceful.
Sadly, I can’t show you a picture of my daughter’s creation because it was a wet pile of paper and brightly colored water on the floor. Good thing I recently reminded myself that it is okay to get messy! 😉
What about you? Do you enjoy watercolor? Have any tips or tricks for a beginner? Let me know in the comments! And if you’d like to stay up-to-date on all my artistic happenings, please subscribe!
Refrigerator Reminders
It’s my first post of 2018! Woohoo! How’s your 2018 going? Mine has gotten off to a rocky start. Things always seem to fall apart for us after the holiday rush of Christmas and New Year’s is over. So I decided to revive and revamp some old reminders on my refrigerator. I had put them up sometime last year and then taken them down months later as they seemed like they were no longer needed. Ha! I was incorrect. For me, personally, these reminders are helpful with my daughter who is in the throws of the terrible (or terrific as my mother-in-law likes to say) twos. The first two are to help keep me grounded:
Crayon on Paper. © 2018. Angelle Conant. All Rights Reserved.
So often problems with my daughter arise when I haven’t been taking my time to meditate and breathe or because I’m trying to move at my adult pace. Granted, sometimes moving at an adult pace is necessary, but often times it is not and it’s important for me to remember to s l o w d o w n. For me, I find that something magical happens when I slow down and move at my daughter’s pace. I’m able to see the world from her eyes and be fully present and connected. And really, what’s the rush?
The second two reminders are mostly in regards to my daughter but are also applicable to me:
Crayon on Paper. © 2018. Angelle Conant. All Rights Reserved.
I have a strong aversion to mess but life and toddlerhood and art and a myriad of other things can be quite messy! So this is a reminder to myself to allow messes to happen. Throw a tarp down and let the kiddo paint a cardboard box and get covered in paint from head to toe. Let her dig in the mud and pour water in her sandbox. Let her play and be messy. And also, don’t be afraid to get messy yourself – with the kiddo, in your art, in your writing, in your music, in the kitchen, anywhere!
The other reminder is a crucial one. Get outside. Last year, when I had this reminder on fridge and I was having a bad day, it helped me to remember to take the kiddo outside. To a park or just in the backyard. On days when I have very little to give her, going outside always seems to help both of us. I get to recharge (being outside does that to me) and she gets to play happily as she tends to entertain herself very easily outside.
I’m happy and grateful to have these reminders back up on my refrigerator and I can see that they are already helping. What reminders do you have (or want to have) on your fridge? Let me know in the comments. 🙂
THE LOVE SERIES #11: Booby Love
This 10th installment of The Love Series is dedicated to breastfeeding aka Booby Love. 😉 I drew this picture only a couple weeks after my daughter finished weaning so it’s a bit bittersweet. My goal was to make it to at least 2 years old and we made it to 2 years and 3 months. Did you know that there is a such as thing as post-weaning depression? I had no clue (despite many La Leche League meetings and breastfeeding blogs) and was a little blind-sided when I decided to reduce my daughter’s free-for-all nursing schedule to only one nursing session in the morning. I wasn’t even ‘weaning’ in my mind, just putting down some boundaries. But not long after we made the change, I felt awful. I was moody, crying all the time, anxious and depressed. I had no idea what was going on and was obsessing about why I was feeling this way and how I might ‘fix’ it when I stumbled upon post-weaning depression online.
After knowing why this was happening to me, I was able to relax and just accept that this was a temporary hormonal shift and to give myself a little break. A few months later, when I decided to wean fully, I was prepared. Thankfully, going from a 5-minute nursing session per day to no nursing wasn’t as large of a hormonal shift (I’m assuming) as I didn’t have such severe symptoms – only mild depression and anxiety that lasted a couple of weeks.
While I was pregnant, I’d heard many women recount their experiences of postpartum depression and anxiety, but I’d never heard a woman discuss post-weaning depression. So this is my little PSA. Post-weaning depression is a thing. Maybe if you know it’s a possibility and that it could be coming, you’ll have a better system in place to cope until it passes.
These 2 years of breastfeeding have been quite a journey. Those first couple of months of figuring breastfeeding out were complete hell (the postpartum depression and anxiety didn’t help either!) but I’m glad we persisted.* There have been some truly wonderful moments – one of which is captured in the drawing below. It was in those first two months of hell that my daughter was nursing and laid her hand upon my chest with her pointer finger, pinky and thumb extended forming ‘I Love You’ in sign language. The significance of this is that my husband and I had made that sign to each other since first saying “I Love You” to one another. We still make that sign to one another and now my 2 year old daughter does too.
Marker and colored pencil.
© 2017. Angelle Conant. All Rights Reserved.
*This statement is not meant to judge, criticize or shame any mother who could not or didn’t want to breastfeed. Every person fights their own battles and must do what is best for them and their baby and I 100% recognize that was is ‘best’ for me may not be ‘best’ for you. You do you. I’ve got your back.
THE LOVE SERIES #10: Mama Love
This is the 9th installment of The Love Series and it’s a celebration of the love a mother feels for her child. I did this painting when I was pregnant with my daughter and in complete awe of how much love I felt for someone I hadn’t even seen with my own two eyes.
My love for her now is the same as it was then: powerful, fierce, and deep. Any person is capable of feeling this kind of love whether they are a biological parent, adoptive parent, step-parent, animal parent, grandparent, auntie, uncle, or friend. May we all know the joy of giving and receiving such a love.
Acrylic Paint on a tiny canvas. © 2017. Angelle Conant. All Rights Reserved.
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