This next installment of The Love Series is for all the Frontline & Essential Workers.
Texas has recently started to open back up (amid controversy) and the roads are busier and things are starting to look almost normal. But, in truth, things are not back to normal. COVID-19 is still spreading and the threat to those that have to be working on the frontlines is very real.
I have read on social media about parents who are health care professionals and have chosen to self-isolate from their families to protect them. Mothers and fathers who haven’t hugged or kissed their children or significant other in weeks. And I just start to sob. It breaks my heart that they have to do it and that there isn’t more I can do to help.
So this Loves Series post is for the Frontline & Essential Workers. All of the grocery store workers, police officers and fire fighters, waste collectors, delivery people, and all the other essential workers. You are providing vital services during this stressful and strange time and we thank you. We appreciate you. I am sorry there is not more than I can do but know that I am so grateful.
Hey, how you doing? You holding up ok? Things are strange right now and I hope that you are doing alright. I’ve had some good days and bad days since we started self-isolating in mid-March. Those first couple of weeks were filled with some intense anxiety for me and that is where this new song came from. You can listen it to on Spotify, YouTube, Apple Music, and almost all digital streaming services.
I have a binder full of songs waiting to be brought to life and, up until now, I’ve been trying to go through the backlog before I start on the ‘newer’ songs. But this song was not up for waiting. I think, too, it was also me. I worked on this song long after those first couple of weeks of intense anxiety and there was definitely a part of me that was eager to be DONE with this song. I didn’t want it waiting in my binder and in the back of my mind. I didn’t want to keep bringing up my anxiety unnecessarily. I wanted to be over it. I wanted it to be done. But it also just felt like the right time to make this song.
If you’ve ever suffered from anxiety, you may know these lyrics well. Or you may not. For me, my anxiety manifests differently at different times but it usually involves having a lot of difficulty getting a deep breath along with chest discomfort. And if you haven’t had anxiety, maybe this will give you a little insight into what it’s like for a loved one who has anxiety.
And, yes, the song is about anxiety and what it feels like but I think the most important part of the song is the end when it says:
“I just have to hold on, I can weather this storm, And I know that I’ll be real glad, real glad.”
And I think that is something we can all do during this difficult time, whether or not we have anxiety. We just have to hold on and know that there is a light at the end of this tunnel.
Fire is an incredible thing – it is linked to our early evolution as the big-brained homo sapiens we are today. But it is also dangerous and frightening as evidenced by the wildfires in California and Australia. And yet, even wildfires have a silver lining in that they return vital nutrients to the earth.
I love a good fire for simple reasons. A fire can warm me on a winter day in a way that not even a heated blanket can manage. It provides a coziness and feeling of safety that’s almost subconscious. It reminds me of family and Christmas even though we didn’t have a fireplace when I was younger.
And all that’s just from sitting nearby – feeling the heat, smelling the burning wood and hearing the crackle of the embers. When I engage my eyes and stare into the fire, it can be an almost meditative experience. Sometimes the flames relax and mesmerize me and I achieve that elusive state where I’m thinking about nothing. Other times, I stare at the fire as my mind works over a problem.
And sometimes, we just roast marshmallows and end up with sticky fingers and happy bellies. 😉
May you be filled with warmth and feelings of coziness as we finish this winter season.
What the header says is true – I have new music out! It’s a single called “I’ve Got a Hold on You” and my mom says it’s my best song yet so. Yeah. Feeling pretty confident. 😉
The album art, created by moi.
This is my third single and I had some new tools that made the process more fun and much easier. I also think these new tools helped to create an overall better sound. It can be found at most music platforms including Spotify, Apple Music, and YouTube, among others.
My next single, You Found Me, has been released! I’ll speak more about the story behind this song in a later post, but for me, this song is about losing and then finding the real me over and over again and how wonderful it feels to be in my authentic self.
I was making a playlist of favorite songs and I realized that a lot of them happened to come from movies. I think this is because the story of the movie imbues the song with even more power. It cements it in my mind as a powerful emotional piece.
Later in the week, my sister was telling me about Ariana Grande’s new songs and she kept saying, “The music video is so good too” and telling me I needed to watch it. The thing is, I’ve never really been into music videos. Many of them add nothing to the music listening experience and some even detract from it. But then I realized that good music videos do the same thing as movies – they cement the story of the song in my mind. And in fact, this had happened to me before.
Katy Perry’s song, “Wide Awake”, had been playing on the radio for a while. I liked the song well enough but had no deep, emotional connection to it. One day I was on YouTube and stumbled across the music video for “Wide Awake”and I was blown away. As I watched the video, the story that I was seeing played out before my eyes was helping me see the song in an entirely new way and I was able to connect to that song on a new level. In addition, every time I hear that song, I’m reminded of the video and the deep emotional connection just as I am when I hear a favorite song from a movie. The song on it’s own was not very powerful. But when I was shown the meaning behind it, through the visuals of the music video, it became very powerful for me.
I suspect this ties into the power that stories have over us humans. As Jonathan Gottschall says inThe Storytelling Animal(an excellent book that you should read):
“When we read nonfiction, we read with our shields up. We are critical and skeptical. But when we are absorbed in a story, we drop our intellectual guard. We are moved emotionally, and this seems to leave us defenseless.”
“Music, uniquely among the arts, is both completely abstract and profoundly emotional. . . . Music can pierce the heart directly; it needs no mediation.”
So a music video, a good one anyways, is taking the emotional power of stories and the emotional power of music and combining them in a profound way. Wow. I hadn’t given much thought to making music videos to accompany my music album when it’s done, but I definitely will now.
It’s fall – and I know this not because of the weather (it’s in the high 80s here in Houston). No, I know it’s fall because one of my favorite TV shows is returning this Sunday after a very long break. Doctor Who returns this Sunday and I am beyond excited! I’ve been craving this show for a few weeks now and it’s because of what it stands for: hope, kindness, courage, wonder and love (among many others). This show has been and continues to be a bright light in my life and a beacon of hope to many.
So I’ve chosen Doctor Who as the 13th installment of my Love Series which is serendipitous as this Sunday will be the premiere of the 13th Doctor. She will be the first female version of the Doctor and I can’t wait to see what adventures she’ll take us on. Allons-y!
I was laying in bed having just finished Hannah Gadsby’s riveting special, Nanette, on Netflix – I was in awe as it had been full of vulnerability, courage and wisdom. There were many great moments in her special, but I think my favorite line was “There is nothing stronger than a broken woman who has rebuilt herself.” I was so moved, I had to post about it on Twitter. A preternatural sense had had me avoiding Twitter all week and that’s when I found out why.
The Brett Kavanaugh hearings and commentary overwhelmed my feed. As I scrolled Twitter, the anger inside of me had hot tears of anger rolling down my face. I remembered all of the me too stories that had recently been shared (and all the shaming and non-believing). I also remembered my own me too story – I’d done my personal healing around it years ago but I’d never dealt with my cultural anger and sorrow. As my daughter slept safe and sound in the room next door, my anger reignited. Not as a survivor of sexual abuse but as a mama who was fiercely determined to not allow anything like that to happen to her daughter. Or any more daughters or sons.
But what power did I have? What could I do? I quietly marched to my office, my anger and sorrow turning to resolve and I opened up my sketch book and began to write the first things that came out. To my surprise, they were not words of anger but words of comfort, understanding, empathy, and hope. They were words to sexual abuse survivors everywhere, including that little girl inside of me.
They came out in a flurry and then started to peter out. It had been so long since I’d been in that place of pain and intense suffering. So I did something I thought I’d never do – I got out my 10 year old journal from when I was healing and I read the fears, pains and sorrow of a young woman touching her deepest childhood pain for the first time. I cried. And the words began to flow again as I wrote to her the things she needed to hear.
This is my #metoo collection. They are reminders, affirmations and messages of connection and hope. If you need to print one out for yourself or a friend, please feel free to do so. They are my offering. They are my hope and my healing.
Here it is – the top dog of positive affirmations. At least, I think it is. After years of reading, soul-searching, witnessing, and listening, I’ve come to see that for so many of us our psychological baggage can be boiled down to one core belief: I am not enough. And when I break down most other affirmations to their essence, what they are really saying is “I am enough.”
Those who feel lovable, who love, and who experience belonging simply believe they are worthy of love and belonging. – Brene Brown, Daring Greatly
It really, truly is as simple as that and that’s why this affirmation is so powerful. If the belief of “I am not enough” is at the core of most of our baggage and it can be changed by simply believing that we are enough, imagine what saying and internalizing “I am enough” could do for someone’s life. I know what it can do for a life because it changed mine and continues to do so.
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