This Love Series post is dedicated to George Floyd and his family. This is me sending love to George Floyd, his family, and his friends, many of whom are here in Houston.
This is also me sending love to all those who have experienced and continue to experience racism. You are not alone. We will eradicate racism together. <3
P.S. If you need some help getting started, here are some ways to support black lives.
One of my dear friends recently wrote me a letter (for you younguns, that’s a really long text on paper) and she included with it a lovely poem by Mary Oliver:
The Uses of Sorrow
(In my sleep I dreamed this poem)
Someone I loved once gave me
a box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand
that this, too, was a gift.
Unbeknownst to my friend, I had had an entire afternoon of cleansing, freeing crying and this letter with this beautiful poem by one of my favorite poets arrived that evening.
I know a lot of people don’t like poetry or don’t get it. However, I think that poetry, like music, is something that’s deeply personal and sometimes it takes a while to find the style you like. I read many poems as part of my high school education and I disliked a lot of them. But every now and again, I would read one that felt as if it was speaking directly to me.
My favorite poetry is often succinct and reflects the truth of life back to me. I can garner the same lesson from a well crafted poem as I can from a well-written, multi-million dollar, two hour movie. Poems, simply put, are stories, real or imagined, that like any other art form, reflect life back to us and, oftentimes, help us to change, grow or return to that which is our deepest joy.
Poetry can be raw, sweet, clever, life-affirming or speak to the secret and not-so-secret aches that live within all of this. For some, reading poetry can be a spiritual experience – a supplement to their weekly religion or a full replacement. For others, it’s a constant wake up call and challenge to grow. And for others still, it’s a reminder of what makes life life. Poetry often leaves no place to hide and no stone unturned. In its presence, pretense and illusions fall away…and that is why I love it.
This next installment of The Love Series is for all the Frontline & Essential Workers.
Texas has recently started to open back up (amid controversy) and the roads are busier and things are starting to look almost normal. But, in truth, things are not back to normal. COVID-19 is still spreading and the threat to those that have to be working on the frontlines is very real.
I have read on social media about parents who are health care professionals and have chosen to self-isolate from their families to protect them. Mothers and fathers who haven’t hugged or kissed their children or significant other in weeks. And I just start to sob. It breaks my heart that they have to do it and that there isn’t more I can do to help.
So this Loves Series post is for the Frontline & Essential Workers. All of the grocery store workers, police officers and fire fighters, waste collectors, delivery people, and all the other essential workers. You are providing vital services during this stressful and strange time and we thank you. We appreciate you. I am sorry there is not more than I can do but know that I am so grateful.
P.S. Here are some ideas to thank the frontline and essential workers in your life.
I just have to take a moment to gush about one of my new favorite TV shows: Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist. It’s quirky and musical and just quite lovely. I have cried almost every episode but not in the, this is really sad way. More in the “this show is reminding me what’s important in life and it’s so beautiful” kind of way.
Without giving too much away, this show has reminded me how precious life’s moments are and how short life is. It reminds me to be present and hold and hug the ones I love. And it reminds me to grab life by the horns and live! To live and create and love even when I’m terrified because life is short. It reminds me that my to-do list can wait (most times) and that these moments (all of them) are right here and not to miss out on them. It reminds me to not take my life, my luxuries, and, most importantly, my loved ones for granted.
It is a truly lovely and life-affirming show and it’s got a badass soundtrack. I’ve already added many of the shows songs to my sing-along playlist.
So what I’m try to say is, you might want to give this lovely show a try if you haven’t already. <3
Hey, how you doing? You holding up ok? Things are strange right now and I hope that you are doing alright. I’ve had some good days and bad days since we started self-isolating in mid-March. Those first couple of weeks were filled with some intense anxiety for me and that is where this new song came from. You can listen it to on Spotify, YouTube, Apple Music, and almost all digital streaming services.
I have a binder full of songs waiting to be brought to life and, up until now, I’ve been trying to go through the backlog before I start on the ‘newer’ songs. But this song was not up for waiting. I think, too, it was also me. I worked on this song long after those first couple of weeks of intense anxiety and there was definitely a part of me that was eager to be DONE with this song. I didn’t want it waiting in my binder and in the back of my mind. I didn’t want to keep bringing up my anxiety unnecessarily. I wanted to be over it. I wanted it to be done. But it also just felt like the right time to make this song.
If you’ve ever suffered from anxiety, you may know these lyrics well. Or you may not. For me, my anxiety manifests differently at different times but it usually involves having a lot of difficulty getting a deep breath along with chest discomfort. And if you haven’t had anxiety, maybe this will give you a little insight into what it’s like for a loved one who has anxiety.
And, yes, the song is about anxiety and what it feels like but I think the most important part of the song is the end when it says:
“I just have to hold on,
I can weather this storm,
And I know that I’ll be
real glad, real glad.”
And I think that is something we can all do during this difficult time, whether or not we have anxiety. We just have to hold on and know that there is a light at the end of this tunnel.
The next creation for the Love Series is fire. Love of a good fire, to be specific.
Fire is an incredible thing – it is linked to our early evolution as the big-brained homo sapiens we are today. But it is also dangerous and frightening as evidenced by the wildfires in California and Australia. And yet, even wildfires have a silver lining in that they return vital nutrients to the earth.
I love a good fire for simple reasons. A fire can warm me on a winter day in a way that not even a heated blanket can manage. It provides a coziness and feeling of safety that’s almost subconscious. It reminds me of family and Christmas even though we didn’t have a fireplace when I was younger.
And all that’s just from sitting nearby – feeling the heat, smelling the burning wood and hearing the crackle of the embers. When I engage my eyes and stare into the fire, it can be an almost meditative experience. Sometimes the flames relax and mesmerize me and I achieve that elusive state where I’m thinking about nothing. Other times, I stare at the fire as my mind works over a problem.
And sometimes, we just roast marshmallows and end up with sticky fingers and happy bellies. 😉
May you be filled with warmth and feelings of coziness as we finish this winter season.
What the header says is true – I have new music out! It’s a single called “I’ve Got a Hold on You” and my mom says it’s my best song yet so. Yeah. Feeling pretty confident. 😉
This is my third single and I had some new tools that made the process more fun and much easier. I also think these new tools helped to create an overall better sound. It can be found at most music platforms including Spotify, Apple Music, and YouTube, among others.
Oh this song. This is it. This is the song that started this whole shebang for me. It is the first song I ever released. And it was an absolutely glorious internal fight to do so. This song, simply by being the ‘first’ song, was my learning curve. I had another song that I’d been working on FOR MONTHS. It’s tentatively titled “Release.” So naturally I thought it was fitting that that song was going to be the first song I released. Ha! Me and that song aren’t even on talking terms right now.
And that’s when this beauty of a song came to me. I was messing around on my guitar on, you guessed it, one full moon night when the chorus and beginning of the first verse came to me. I recorded it on my phone so as not to forget (as I do with all my strange and sporadic musical ideas) and that’s where it sat for a good while.
Finally, I finished the song in March and by July I had released my first single, Full Moon’s Rising. That might not seem like a short time, but for me it was. For someone who had been hoarding her music for years, it was a remarkable turnaround.
As far as the lyrics go, I think they are pretty self-explanatory. This song is an ode to the lovely and beautiful full moon. The instrumentation is simple – just me and my guitar. This is what I could handle on my first song and sometimes I think simple is what is needed. It is by no means perfect, but it’s mine and I put it out into the world. It’s not something that I created and let sit on my computer, never letting another person hear it. It’s out there and imperfect and wonderful and I love it.
“You Found Me” came to me chorus first, as most of my songs do. And then when I sat down to write the verses, they quickly flowed out of me. The creation of the verses’ melody was a little more tricky, but I got there eventually.
When I wrote these lyrics, I was worried that without explaining them, they would seem nonsensical. But really, so much of music seems that way to me anyways so I gave up that worry. When you really think about it (and look at the history) music is much like poetry (and some would even say IS poetry). And we don’t expect poetry to be blatantly obvious all the time, do we?
Anywho, on to the lyrics!
Have you ever lost yourself? Like lost your true, authentic self? The ‘self’ that is your joy, your love, your wisdom, your feelings, your beliefs, your connections? That’s what this song is about. Well, not really. This song is about FINDING that part of yourself again. Or rather, being found by that part of yourself.
“Once I was gone again/…You found me.” Sometimes my ego and my ‘idea’ of who I am gets so far in the way that I can’t see the real, authentic me. This song is about letting that ego fall away, essentially die, so that I can be reunited with my true, authentic self. Which is always there mind you. That’s where the lyrics “You whispered in my ear/I was always be there” come from. Because my authentic self is always there. It just gets covered up by my ‘idea’ of myself or my worries or doubts or fears and that ‘idea’ or worry or fear has to die or I have to release it, to actually see what’s been there the whole time: me.
And this process of removing the ego to reveal who I truly am is never fun. Never easy. That’s why I say “I’d fallen down so far/the ground was so damn hard.” Because that shit hurts. The pay off is great, of course. And it happens again and again. Hopefully one day, I’ll live from my authentic self all the time, but right now, this is a process that happens over and over again. That’s why I say towards the end of the song “Don’t, don’t you let me go/ Oh baby, never go/ You found me.” Because I know this will happen again. I will lose myself again and it feels so good, so right, to be in my authentic self and I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to forget, even for a second, who I really am. And there is my true self, coming in again “You whispered in my ear/I will always be here” reminding me that I never really ‘lose’ myself. My authentic self, my true self, is always there and I am never without her. And that feels good.
My next single, You Found Me, has been released! I’ll speak more about the story behind this song in a later post, but for me, this song is about losing and then finding the real me over and over again and how wonderful it feels to be in my authentic self.
It can be found at most music platforms including Spotify, Amazon, YouTube and CD Baby, among others.